It has been a great weekend, there was lots of fun, lots of girl time, lots of family time. Couldn't have asked for a better weekend (some minor bumps in the road of course, but there always are). So I found it strange when my heart and my head started to feel heavy, worried. Thursday we got word that Addison's blood tests were approved and by Friday I had talked to her case manager about getting the written order that her PCM would write, a packet we had to take the lab, and a number of a very helpful lady at the lab that would help us make an appointment on the right day. Apparently, there are highly specialized/specific instructions on how to handle this blood draw and the time frame that it can take to get to the lab that will complete the testing. The tests are expensive, I'm sure everyone wants it done right the first time. Suddenly though my mind has wondered - what if this...what if that..what if this and that...what do we do now? I was no longer able to focus my thoughts & energy on ensuring that the process was going smoothly to get approval and apparently I felt the need to spend that energy somewhere and that somewhere was the "what if" questions. I tried to dismiss them, but wasn't having great success. Pray, I kept telling myself, pray. I admire Mike's ability to handle the unknown, I admire his courage and his faith. He doesn't have any more answers than I do, and he's okay with that - he knows that we'll handle whatever the future holds and that we won't ever be alone to handle it on our own - he trusts that God will provide. I trust that too, yet my mind wonders. It's discouraging, it's frustrating and not how I want to feel and handle things. I prayed, and then prayed some more.
Yesterday was busy, we decided to go to church Sunday this weekend instead of Saturday. Yet this morning, our relaxed morning was just that relaxed and we lost motivation. A phone call asking what time we were leaving had us scramble to get ready, glad for the encouragement and a bit of a kick in the butt! Oh - I am not patient, I do not like waiting, but can I just say that when you wait on God - he ALWAYS shows up! There was a video clip before the sermon and a verse - John 14:1 "Do not let your hearts be trouble. Trust in God. Trust also in me." I sat there thinking, okay I'm listening. Then the ending songs repeated that to me. "Strength will come when we wait upon on the Lord, when we wait upon the Lord." I love that God always shows up, when I stop and listen and pay attention. So I feel like I'm not going to sit and wait on the lab results, I'm going to wait on God to show up and guide us on this crazy, love-filled, wild, wonderful journey and appreciate that the rain is needed for the flowers to grow; that fire is used to purify our faith and strengthen us to not depend on our own strength but on the strength that God has and will always provide.
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