What I know...what I don't know...

This evening the boys are watching a movie in their room, Addy is eating nonstop, and I'm sitting on the couch (doing my best to allow my body to heal completely) writing questions for Addison's neurology appointment tomorrow morning.  I've written them down before and thrown them away, silly I know.  Very unlike me, too.  I've been putting it off; it's odd, it's overwhelming, it's scary, and it makes me anxious at times.  You shouldn't have to write down questions for the doctor like "why is her head not growing, it hadn't grown in almost a year" and "what are the results of the EEG/MRI/CT/chromosome study?"  Then the worst was for me to write at least "what is the likely syndrome?"  So yep, I have been a wuss, I've put it off, procrastinated, just plain let it get the best of me.  Tonight I couldn't put it off anymore.  Her appointment is tomorrow morning, we'll have a full morning of getting us all ready and the boys dropped off.  This what I don't know, I have no idea what we'll find out or not find out, or still need to find out after tomorrow morning.   It's scary, it's always scary when there's something unknown, but even more so when it's your child, your baby.
The good news is that there are some things that I do know.  I know that Addison is happy, boy is she happy.  She just exudes joy most of the time, smiles that melt your heart in an instant.  She's developing like she should mentally - she is using words now, about 15 actually!  She uses them appropriately, she tells you clearly what she wants.  She can open doors, she can play with toys appropriately.  She loves hide and seek and her brothers.  Oh and she adores her dolls and stuffed animals.
I know that Addison is a blessing, she is a gift from God and has been entrusted to Mike & I.  I also know that God treasures her more than Mike and I could possibly treasure her, which is beyond my understanding.  I know that God has plans for Addison, plans to prosper her; God has promised that to each of us (Jeremiah 29:11 For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.)  I also know that God is in control, He is wise beyond what we can understand, His love for us is complete.  So tonight I'm going to try and rest in that, because I know that.  I am having a harder feeling it tonight - I'm having to pray every half an  hour or hour to turn it over to God once again.  Thank goodness that God's Word is constant and unchanging because while my emotions may be all over the place I can have peace in the knowledge that those things are true.
Sorry for the rambling tonight, the emotional, long rambling.  I'm sure I'll update after Addison's appointment in the morning.